Topic: My whole life story(:
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Posts: 1564
Unstoppable Bzoinker
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Posted: 16 Dec 2010 02:01 PM       Subject: My whole life story(:
well notwhole. but it is long enough to be.
I wrote this for myyearbook cause we were talking about our lives. and i figured ill share it with you guys.
Okay i was a perfectly fine child until i hit about 11 years old thats when i
think the depression really started. I was in 5th grade and my grades started
dropping. I started getting teased. I would cry a lot. Then the summer before
6th grade my parents split up. I was in the next room when it happend. Sometime
in my dreams i can hear my mom crying still. Then in 6th grade me and my two
bestfriends at the time always got in fights. Usually it was over whoever was
"moody" it was stupid but it really got to me. So i was reading this booka nd
the girl had cut. So i got the idea to just cut. I made three cut on my left arm
and thats what started it all. I told my mom about cutting and she said not to
do it again but she understood. Then in 7th grade my boyfriend cheated on me, my
grades were dropping again, my mom was dating, and i was getting picked on more.
So i cut again. Then i started doing it everyday. Only everything got harder, a
lot harder. I got addicted to cutting. the pain was a lot easier to handle then
the emotional pain i was feeling. So that went on all 7th grade. Then on June
9th 2009 i went to the doctors and got sent to The Meadows. A loony bin. Got out
within 9 days. Swore i would never cut again. I wish that was the case though.
At the beginning of 8th grade i was pretty good, really anxious about school but
i was okay. My grades were pretty good everything was fine. Then something
snapped. I started missing cutting. I started dating a guy from church. One day
in class i heard a voice. It was a girl saying he's coming. Back then i didn't
know who it was talking about but now that i look back that puzzle piece is all
in place. I started heaing voices a lot then. They told me to cut and to stop
taking my meds. So i did. Then January 19th i got sent to The Meadows again.
Came out, didnt wanna cut anymore. Got my meds back in me. i stayed for 12 days.
I went back to school and got asked where i was and some people found out and i
got picked on a lot. Then, one day i came home and i overdosed. took 30 advil. I
don't remember most of it. My mom didn't take me to the hospital or send me
away. She dealt with it herself. Then I dumped my boyfriend because he was a
prevert and some people say it was sexual abuse some just say he violated me. my
grades stayed low. Then i overdosed again one day before school. I went to
school and was walking and had to lean on my friends cause i coiuldnt walk
right. i had such a huge headach. Went to the nurse, my mom picked me up and
screammmeeeddd at me the whole way to the hospital. Then i went to the meadows
again. I overdosed two days after my moms birthday. I got my issues with my dad
worked on. He was always on the comptuer and never really even talked to us when
i was little. So then when they split he tried being super dad and it ticked me
off. But i got out of the meadows in 10 days. And with that people finally
realized that i needed to be taken out of my school. So they put me into a
partial program. Half school half therapy. It was great, i thougt i was healed.
I got out of there july. Got a boyfriend, started smoking, and getting high off
my meds. Then july 21 i overdosed again. But this time was different. I had been
hearing voices for a couple months by now there was two. One Jasmine and one
Edmin. Jasmine was the nice one who supported me and Edmin was the mean one who
told me to cut and everything. He told me a lot of stuff. He would conastly tell
me that iw as gonna die wether i did or if he did it i would die. And when i
overdosed, it was like he was controling me. i tried to yell for help. It was
the scariest thing. i took about 25 of my prescribed meds. As soon as i was in
control i ran downstairs and told my mom. We went to the emeracy room and i
drank charcoal. The most diggusting things ever. Then i went to the meadows for
the 4th time. I didnt hear the voices anymore. Got my meds straightned out and
then left in 9 days. Then i went back to partial. My parents wouldnt let me date
my boyfriend anymore. Im actually still not allowed to date. Recently i got out
of partial, im back in ym regular school and anxious as ever about it. I
recently heard a voice and cut agian. im just hoping history doesnt repeat its

you dont have to comment. im not looking for sympothy
Just in case you care to look at some of my work(;
For some of my stories(:

For my photography(:

Posts: 1564
Unstoppable Bzoinker
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Posted: 16 Dec 2010 02:05 PM         Subject: RE: My whole life story(:
feel free to tell me a bit about your life(:
Just in case you care to look at some of my work(;
For some of my stories(:

For my photography(:

Posts: 613
Forum Monster
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Posted: 16 Dec 2010 02:41 PM         Subject: RE: My whole life story(:
Well, Autumn I read the whole thing, and I must say, it's unfortunate that you've had to go through so much at such a young age. I say that like I'm 30 or something, but you know what I mean. I'm sorry that cutting has taken over so much of your life, I can't relate because I've never cut. Sometimes I hated myself because I felt like I was even a failure at hating myself because I was too scared to cut. But I know now that that was silly of me. You know what I hope for you, darling? And I hope you take this to heart, save it in a word document in your head or something. :p Never forget it. I want you to keep your head up. Yeah, there are gonna be bad times. There will be. It's inevitable. But turn those bad feelings you get during those bad times into inspiration. I want you to get good grades, try as HARD as you possibly can, for yourself, for no one else. Those things, people etc, that make you just want to give up, let them make you push yourself farther so you can get out of that god forsaken school of yours. And one day, when you have a beastin' job, and a wonderful life, far away from everyone that's tried to knock you down. You can look at them and say "WORD."

I love you. <33

And I'd tell you about my life, but eh. Not worth it. It's in the past, and I'm moving on forward, AND, it's kind of just a blur anyway. :p

Posts: 11780
Bzoink Rockstar
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Posted: 18 Dec 2010 11:28 PM         Subject: RE: My whole life story(:
Autumn, I love you.

I wish you hadn't had to go through all of this, but everything happens for a reason and it all just makes you stronger. You may not believe it now, but one day, you'll be able to face anything and it won't phase you 'cause you'll have the strength from all of this stuff. You're happiness will come, I promise. You're too amazing for it not to. Trust me on this one.<3
If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever.

[10.13.13. You have my heart.]
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