November 5, 2005 at 4:27pm
Mood: sad

life so far this week sux....its sooo hard to get over John and I don't know what to do we still talk and w/e but its awkward....REALLY awkward. I miss him sooo much even though he could be standing right next to me....all my friends are telling me to do different things and I don't know who to listen to. I think Im just gonna listen to my heart and do what it tells me it thinks is right and thats stay by his side right now as a friend and when and if the time comes for us be together again Ill take him back in a flash cause I love him with all my heart and I cant let him go.....

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November 3, 2005 at 8:16pm
Subject: Love sux

Apparently my "Wonderful" boyfriend is no better then the average male population. Last night he broke up with me....I've been devestated ever since. I've cried for 23 hrs and 15 minutes straight stopping here or there for awhile. He broke up with so he could sort things out between bowling school work and us. I mean it hurt sure it hurt alot and it still does but he says there's a chance that we might get back together. I want to, but as of right now, according to him we're just REALLY REALLY good friends, and I dont want that. I really dont I just wanna be like screw you and your sorting shyt out wake up and smell the coffe and come back to me....... But I know its not gonna happen like that....We agreed to go to prom together if neither of us had a date, but idk if he'll purposefully try to get one cuz i kno if anyone asks me I'll turn them down just to go with him and if someone asks him I'll kill her I swear I will. I dont want anyone going out with him anywhere.....as a date or nothing hes mine...I still love him tremendously and even tho I promised him I'd stopp crying I cant its too hard I feel like a piece of me was boken off carelessly and just thrown aside...is that really fair to me?? Is it really fair to hurt someone like that. I Know he would never intentionally hurt me but he hurt me in a way I've never been hurt before and its killing me. Why does God have to hate me so much? Why must he cause me sooo much pain when it comes to guys, Havent I suffered enough in the heartbreak department? Apparently not to him apparently I can suffer more, but I don't want to I just wanna love john and have him love me back and not just as a friend. John I know I pormised you I'd stop crying to try and help us but I'm sorry its just to hard....I loveyou too much, and miss you too much and am hurting to much, tho I know you dont want to see me hurt or cry but it needs to come out or whenever Im around you it'll just build up inside and one day explode I hope you can understand that I want you and need youin my life as well but I want you as more then a friend and on many levels. I know they always say beggers can't be choosey but I dont wanna see you with anyone and I dont wanna be with anyone else, I just wanna bewith you and you alone. Thats why I feel this way right now like im torn and I cant be put back together unless you come back in my life, and I m not rushing you or telling u you HAVE to go back out with me I just want you to kno how I feel and that I deff DON'T like the idea of us just being friends......

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November 3, 2005 at 8:15pm

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November 2, 2005 at 7:51pm
Subject: random

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