November 6, 2009 at 11:05pm
Mood: tired
Music: The Birds and The Bees - Breathe Carolina

I haven't written one of these in awhile.
Thought I should.

My birthday's in like, 12 days! Yay :)

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October 24, 2009 at 3:51pm
Mood: dying inside.
Music: The Bleeding - Five Finger Death Punch

The pain seriously hurts too much. And it's been going on too long. Nothing's working. I'm trying. Why doesn't anyone understand that I don't enjoy being like this? The one reason I had to hold on is slowly slipping through my fingers and tearing me apart. I don't know how much longer I'll last...

September 20, 2009 at 9:48pm
Music: medicate-afi.
Subject: basix

i am not a failure. i can turn this around. every second is another chance. why am i wasting them? i am not beneath her. i am human, just like she is.

he wants to know why it's sudden, this is not sudden. love, this has been coming for awhile. can we get past this awkward break-up? can we just begin our friendship again? apparently not. i know there is questions, but they aren't questions i can answer.

it's like the stuffed animal i've had sense i was born has become a stranger to me as well. everything is new, is strange, i don't understand.

i feel so lost. and defiant of everything around me.
i hate it.

September 20, 2009 at 10:57am
Subject: btw;;

I'M GOING TO AFI<3

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September 20, 2009 at 10:49am
Mood: D:
Music: runaway-three days grace
Subject: i need to give these boys ring tones.

he is my best friend.
i love him as my best friend.
it was right to not lead him on.

despite how well he took it,
i feel horrible.

HATE ME.

anyway, so now i'm single.
and fairly certain i want to stay that way
at least until i can tell everyone i like girls (:

i wouldn't want to bring a girl home and it be a surprise ;D
yeah right, they all know, i just am fooling myself.

i won't find anyone anyways.
not anyone i want.

just everyone who wants me.
which sucks because i never want them

oh well.
i guess, life moves on.
i feel better sort of.

i would feel more whole with a signifigant other
but that's just because i don't like being alone
i need to belong to someone.

i guess really i just need someone to love me.
haha.
love me unconditionally.
because no one has ever.

at least, my mother never has.
i'm always looking for what my mother never gave me.


maybe i shouldn't.
<3