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July 22, 2009 at 12:09pm
Mood: anxious
I'm moving on. I'm making guy friends, something he never would let me have. I'm using myspace and catching up with people that he made me stop talking to. I'm starting to feel GOOD but he just can't leave me alone!
Instead of sitting around and moping I'm doing something I never thought I would do and that is just forget about him as soon as possible.
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July 20, 2009 at 11:17am
Mood: pensive
It's official. Me and Edwin really are over.
It's crazy how this happened. It started with him avoiding me and ignoring me. I figured that we only saw each other for 9 hours this entire month. As much as I want to deny it, seeing him only those 9 hours really helped. I mean it hurt like hell until I accepted what had to be done. I just can't believe the other day I was there crying in my room and he wiped away my tears and hugged me and said, "Don't cry Haleigh. You are too beautiful to cry." Or on Friday after everything that happened and I was sobbing and telling him that I'm fighting so hard for him because I'm fighting for my life at the same time. Then he jumped on top of me and started kissing me like he would never kiss me again. Now I realize it's because he really never would kiss me again. I just kept thinking the only reason he's saying he can't be with me is because he's moving to Peru to be with his family. I understand that. That's where he was raised. I can't keep him from them, I love him too much for that. Now he's insisting he is staying here but we can only be friends. He keeps texting me now saying he can call me but we can only talk as friends. Why the hell can't I be his girlfriend then? I don't understand it. I know for a fact he wants to be with me, and no I'm not being dense. He just can't tell me what's going on. What secret can be so important that you have to break up with your girlfriend...soon to be fiancee... to protect? He refuses to tell me. He said he might be able to be with me after he gets back from Peru and then he will tell me. I can't keep holding onto him anymore. It will be almost another month until I will be able to see him again and I just can't hold on to end up crushed. I'd rather not know if it means saving me from more pain.
I sent him a text saying that eventually I will have to get rid of everything he gave me but I will never get rid of my necklace. We both have necklaces, it was a circle that was cut in half and we each have a piece. They say Lord, please watch over us when we are apart from each other. The back of mine says Edwin and the back of his says Haleigh. I told him I don't care if I have to hide it from my future husband. I know for a fact me and Edwin would have gotten married and had kids. There will always be a place for Edwin in my heart. I'm going to be cremated with that necklace around my neck. If I have a little girl and when she goes through her first heart break I'm going to tell her the story of how a silly little Peruvian named Edwin came along and saved me and then how I had to let him go. If I have a son I'm going to fight for his middle name to be Joel (pronounced Joe El), which was Edwin's name when he was in Peru.
Edwin's plane takes off in a little less than 2 and a half hours. Last time he went to Peru he brought me roses the night before crying because he would miss me and we talked until the moment he had to turn his phone off. I remember how I asked to have my Harry Potter book back and I kept opening it only because it smelled like him =P. He called me everyday while he was over there. I can't believe the difference now...
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July 13, 2009 at 2:36pm
Mood: melancholy
I'm crying again. Why can't you just show me a sign you care? Why?
I have to go to work later and I'm a wreck. I'm an absolute disaster. I just want to pop some pills and crash. How could you turn a cold shoulder to my pain? I have been there for you more than ever this summer and out of nowhere you just seem to have forgotten I exist.
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December 27, 2008 at 10:56am
Mood: cheerful
I'm in SUCH a good mood. I got to see Edwin yesterday, I've been getting to sleep in, AND I'm staying at my aunt's. :DD
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November 24, 2008 at 5:50pm
Mood: content
Subject: yummm...
guess what's for dinner tonight?
if you guessed steak and potatoes then you're WRONG!
spicy chicken gumbo soup... delish.
I can't believe I work on Thanksgiving, this blowsss. and she still might put me on for more days. I don't want to work all break!'
maybe I'll use my time and a half pay for a new cell... maybe one of those fancy touch screen ones =]
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