August 25, 2008 at 10:24pm

so had the famous ice cream date today. rick came down yesterday which was nice but he didnt have much time which was no good. he goes on vacation soon which i hate the thought of that. yesterday i also went to my moms, saw gma grace, mom, dad, heather, rob, jennifer, and delayna. talked to terry overthe weekend. hopefull we will hang out soon. mike came down today to get his duffle bag i hadnt seen him since i moved down here. rick would be so mad if he found out. i just hope i dont give it away, cuz i dont want to screw things up.

August 19, 2008 at 9:28pm

so rick is still coming down on the weekends now it has been just one day instead of both. but at least i get to see him. went t see heather in the play again. grandma got out of the nursing home last weekend. my mom still acts she is stil so much better than anyone. i try and try with her and she just doesnt care. still havent seen mike which is good. david came over a few weeks ago and was just being so stupid again he just needs to face it black mail or whatever isnt going to get to me. if michelle finds out she finds out. i really wish rick would leave her or she would kick him out but i do know i would never really trust him if we were together. I love him but see i do know the situation which i think might make it easier to not fall completely so i dont get hurt. went to indy last week. she is having me do some testing and seeing a different dr because i bleed all the time.

August 5, 2008 at 10:13pm

well i let a little time go by but not much. where to start i went to see heather in her musical a week go she did very well. went back to stage to talk to her afterwards. saw one day at the gas station talked to her for a bit. grandma is in the nursing home now i have been going on sundays to visit. my mom is still treating me like crap but i dont know what to do. been spending a lot of time with rick. he has been coming down on the weekends quite a bit. i love spending time with him just wish more time could be spent out of wendys. went to lunch with jenny one of my vacation days. went to cedar point with dena, beth, jenna, and tracy i had fun was kinda in my own world but i still had a good time. talked to mike a couple of times on the phone. we just dont even talk anymore but i am actually proud of myself that i havent cried in a long time. my thoughts just confuse me but what can i do. everytime i think about the future i just get scared.

July 13, 2008 at 10:05pm

so today is sunday i went yesterday and today to see my grandma. I thought i misunderstood the other day but i definately heard her today called me hon or honey which was so sweet. she is getting moved to a nursing home tomorrow which will be harder to see her cuz it is in bluffton. friday nite gail and eric stayed over. david came over after work of course he tried getting me drunk and tried stuff. when will he get the clue. then he was trying to get me to spill it about rick.

today rick called he had to come down cuz of work. i met him and we went to bandidos for lunch which was nice. i was kinda pissed cuz he had a hickey on his neck. but for some reason i couldnt stay mad at him guess cuz i was so happy because i got to see him . i really do love him but i wonder how long i can just take living alone cuz i hate that.

at the hospital heather came to see grandma so that was good seeing her.

curt messaged me again.

July 9, 2008 at 10:58pm

so i just got home from seeing grandma grace in the hospital. It really hurt me seeing her like that, i so wish our family had the closeness of other families. i mean mikes family had it and so many mores did. I wanted to tell her i loved her but i couldnt because we never say it. i know i am rambling cuz i am confusing myself. saw rick after work today. i hate when i dont get to see him on the weekends i just so hate michelle anymore its just not fair. i hope i can sleep tonite cuz the last few have been hard to fall asleep. i just worry about so much there is the rumor going on at maplecrest that just bugs me to death, then the stuff with my mom, then bills, just everything. i just miss cuddling with someone at night. not saying i miss mike because i dont you know you can only give so much and i have nothing more for him. well i am going to try to go to bed