Topic: Dirty Little Secrets IX
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kellyburnsred


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Posted: 20 Jun 2020 09:11 AM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets IX
I am so sick and tired of others playing with my emotions.
Taking me for granted.
Treating me like shit.
This is exactly why I have trust issues.
I can't stand when I put everything into something.
I'm feeling so good about something & then BAM! they screw me over.
I was talking to a guy I've known him because of watching him stream on Twitch.tv
I don't know him that well personally and he lives pretty far away.
But I was always supportive of him.
He has been liking a bunch of my stuff on Instagram
and right now I am on the hunt.
I have a lot of things going well for me and all I'm trying to do is find someone to talk to
And just do stuff with.
So I saw he was on a friends list on Facebook.
I added him and we started talking a lot more and we were having a wonderful conversation for a while.
Eventually it got real deep & real serious. He is still getting over a relationship from the past.
But he was taking it out on me. I ended up opening up to which I don't like doing right away because I am cautious
And I end up regretting it later but I genuinely felt like I could trust him.

Fuck this! He's a piece of shit & then my friend Tyler out of nowhere I have no idea why I bet he mentioned something to him too and apparently now I am blocked for no fucking reason. I wasn't even home all day I have been busy working on myself and people still treat me like shit. I am not even made about the blocking I am an adult it's the fact that none of it makes any sense and I didn't deserve any of that bullshit I am sick and tired of people fucking with me and hurting me.

Yes I know there's plenty of people but no one seems to want to fuck with me and the one person who did I see him everywhere I really fucked him over and now I am regretting it. He works at the local Walmart he's doing well for himself and with someone else and super happy. I can't even make things right his parents won't let me and he wants nothing to do with me. It hurts so bad because when I met him he was head over heels about me and loved me for me and I never ever had that.

I fucking hate it. It makes me sick absolutely sick and physically sick. Mentally I am sick I feel terrible and so uncomfortable and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like shit every single day. I don't even know what to do about it.
You're so down to earth
&& I'm up in the stars
So show me the sea
&& I'll take you to mars
pinkchocolate


Posts: 652
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Posted: 20 Jun 2020 09:28 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets IX
It seems I'm a person who commits to someone emotionally, without being in a relationship with them. Why should I expect to be rewarded for that loyalty? I contact a certain person every day, without fail. That's my choice, I don't have to do it. Yet, I find myself so hurt when he doesn't seem to want to talk, and goes all day without responding to my messages. We've been friends for 10 years. Yes, at one time, I wanted more than that. But I treasure his friendship and don't want to lose it.
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chasingghosts


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Posted: 20 Jun 2020 09:46 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets IX
My knee-jerk reaction when people are hurting is to help. Sometimes people don't need help, they just need to be heard and listened to. And sometimes when I go out of my way to help over and over again, people realise I'm the perfect person to take advantage of, and they suck the life out of me.
pinkchocolate


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Posted: 21 Jun 2020 10:09 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets IX
Sometimes I feel as though I don't have any kind of connection with anyone anymore. As though conversations and interactions have no meaning, purpose, or value.
KMP x
badomen


Posts: 1134
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Posted: 27 Jun 2020 10:27 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets IX
it sounds so cliche but everything and everyone i ever love leaves me.
pinkchocolate


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Posted: 28 Jun 2020 09:09 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets IX
I don't seem to know what I want from life anymore. In terms of anything. Career, relationships... And I feel like it doesn't make sense, at 30 years of age, for me to just NOT know.
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mystery-egg


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Posted: 02 Jul 2020 10:53 AM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets IX
I wish with every bone of my body that the two bartenders who raped me would have their penises and hands chopped off, have their eyes gouged out, and rot... in... hell. Of course, there's no way to prove that they did what they did to me two years ago, so instead I'll be the one who rots. It pisses me off.
https://marmoseticwolves.org
pinkchocolate


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Posted: 04 Jul 2020 10:06 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets IX
The other day, I joined a Facebook group to look for penpals. It seemed like a good idea at the time, I thought it would be something fun to do. But now, I feel overwhelmed and like it was a really bad idea.
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mystery-egg


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Posted: 06 Jul 2020 09:55 AM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets IX
I'd be okay if my grandfather was never able to come home again... if he passed away in the hospital. Yes, I would miss him terribly, but he's been through so much and a part of me feels he's been through enough. It's terrible to think this, but I want him to be happy and never hurt again. He's my favorite person in the entire world. Watching him suffer is one of the worst things I've ever had to feel, and I can't imagine how he's feeling. Being in the ICU alone must be terrifying. The guilt that hangs over my head because I can't see him makes me feel useless. I just want to see him at least one more time.
https://marmoseticwolves.org
badomen


Posts: 1134
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Posted: 06 Jul 2020 11:02 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets IX
why am i consistently just the worst person alive? i know the things i do are shitty but i can’t seem to stop doing them. i am so quick to get jealous. i see other people doing things and talking to people and it makes me sick to my stomach with envy. it feels like i feel emotions so strongly, more than other people.
pinkchocolate


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Posted: 07 Jul 2020 09:32 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets IX
It feels like sometimes, I only want something because I can't have it, or at least, I THINK that I can't have it. Then as soon as it's in my reach, I suddenly don't want it anymore.
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badomen


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Posted: 08 Jul 2020 04:20 AM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets IX
i do that a lot too...

i was hanging out with my roommate today when i got this sudden feeling of "i like you" and it's left me feeling really weird. i don't know if it's because i never see any other human and i'm just desperate, or if i really like him. the thing is, i do like him. he's a great person and we get along well, but i don't know if i like him that way.
pinkchocolate


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Posted: 08 Jul 2020 07:44 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets IX
Sometimes I find it hard to be left alone with my own thoughts.
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badomen


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Posted: 11 Jul 2020 05:37 AM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets IX
i don't know what to do about all of this. i feel so conflicted that my stomach hurts and i'm sick.
mystery-egg


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Posted: 11 Jul 2020 07:29 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets IX
I honestly believe that all celebrities are fakes and invent all of the stuff that happens to them just so they have a story to tell, people to feel bad for them and argue over them, earn more money, behave more like gods than human beings, and that they've all forgotten how to be real people. I honestly hate how our society obsesses over them to the point of putting them on these pedestals they don't deserve to be on. It pisses me off how they don't do anything but stand there and look pretty, but all of the people who are doing the real work never get noticed. It sucks.
https://marmoseticwolves.org
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