Topic: I won't be on as much...
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lepixiesan


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Posted: 17 Jul 2009 11:55 AM         Subject: RE: I won't be on as much...
I'm really glad to hear that you're eating...I know all sorts of stuff about anorexia due to past experiences, and I know it's hard. It's nothing that you can control by yourself, though, and I learned that the hard way. I know telling your parents seems like the worst idea ever, but they'll help and it'll feel like a huge weight off of your shoulders. However, sit them down and tell them not to force you to eat... That's the worst thing they can do. Anorexia has no quick fix and you need to find mental, emotional, and physical help through it. I can tell that you're a strong person and you deserve to feel that way about yourself. Just hang in there and if you ever need to talk, PM me. I've been in your boat before. I know how it feels.

Kelly--Wow, that's such a hard life to live. I can't imagine how you're feeling or what you're going through but no matter what, you are a beautiful person on the inside. Just show how beautiful you are inside and everyone will see that beauty on the outside. Trust me on that one.
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My name is Wendy.
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macaroniixox


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Posted: 17 Jul 2009 01:51 PM         Subject: RE: I won't be on as much...
good luck on your test . ( :
all time low is thee best ( :

justin bieber ( :


friendly-fire


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Posted: 17 Jul 2009 02:35 PM         Subject: RE: I won't be on as much...
Thanks Wendy, that was very helpful. :)

I'm still debating if I should tell my parents or not, we have people coming over this weekend so I'll have to wait until Monday if I do. I've always had trouble talking about how I feel to other people so this won't be easy if I do. One of the main reasons why I won't tell my parents is because I know my mom will try and force food down my throat. She has pretty much always done that but I know she will especially do it if she knows what's going on. I've told her before a million times that I can feed myself and I'll eat when I'm hungry (which I do) and she still can't seem to grasp that.

I'm afraid they'll think it's their fault that this has happen to me and it really isn't. There was one thing my dad said a few years ago, it wasn't even a big deal but that was the only thing that I know could have contributed to this. He probably doesn't even remember saying it because it's been so long and it was a really small thing. Other then that, I can't think of anything they did or said that would make this their fault. I won't tell them about how what my dad said upset me, though. If I do tell them I think I'll start by telling them what I'm going to tell them isn't their fault in anyway. I don't want them or anyone else close to me to think that. At this point, I don't really know why this has happen to me. I remember as a kid I would always feel bad/upset if my mom let me eat the last of something. I never knew why, maybe it's just a gene I inherited from someone? I'm starting to think I've never had much confidence but just never really noticed until he started dating that model.

Models are nobody's friend. She's prettier, she's skinnier, she's funnier, she's taller, she's smarter. I thought that every single day they were together, it depressed me just to see her face. It's stupid of me to fear a person but I really am afraid of her. I think it's because I can't help wondering if she wouldn't have been in the picture, would I be like this? I don't want to blame anyone for this, there's multiple reasons why I feel this way.

I'm rambling now, sorry. There's tons of stuff I'd like to say about how I feel and I just really don't have anyone to listen except you guys.

For those of you who are wondering, I got a C on my math test. I guess that's pretty good, I honestly thought I was going to fail. I may be going to carnival thing tonight but I'm not too sure, I'm sort of in one of those "I'd just like to be left alone," moods today.
Hi, I'm Ashley-
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lepixiesan


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Posted: 17 Jul 2009 02:57 PM         Subject: RE: I won't be on as much...
It's tough, I know, but you know we're here for you. I recommend you go to the carnival. Getting away to a fun place with all sorts of distractions can do wonders and who knows--You might be glad you went.
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My name is Wendy.
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xkelster462x


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Posted: 17 Jul 2009 04:49 PM         Subject: RE: I won't be on as much...
Wendy thanks for the great advice. See I care way to much about what people say or think. I know it's not good at all. It always seems though I can never stop it. When I had that seizure I didn't know what was happening. I remembered I was talking to my mom and then I was on the floor all confused and I couldn't walk right. It was so scary. When I had the seizure all I saw was black black black. My mom said my eyes rolled in the back of my head. I had to go in the helicopter and I had about 5 more in the hospital and in the helicopter. I did that all because of what people were saying to me. You have no idea how much that ruined my life. As soon as I came back from Kids Peace I was so out of it. I had dreams about the helicopter that took me would crash into my window and I'd die. I had some many scary nightmares. I was stupid and went to see the Uninvited and when I came out of the theater I ran outside I had no idea where I was. I was so scared I was looking all around trying to find my mom and NOWHERE to be found. That movie omgosh it was unreal.

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shiny-italy


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Posted: 17 Jul 2009 04:52 PM         Subject: RE: I won't be on as much...
Awww *hugs you tightly* I had a best friend that was anorexic but she got through it and now she's totally over it. If she can do it so can you. Don't let other people hurt your self image..you have your OWN beauty. You should do it one step at a time..like build up on how much you eat, stop counting calories, and when you look in the mirror think good things..like how nice your body or hair looks. Good luck *hugs*
I'm Heather. I'm 27 years old and I live in Fairbanks, Alaska. I love glaciers!
deirdrelove


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Posted: 17 Jul 2009 11:42 PM         Subject: RE: I won't be on as much...
I had a similar problem a few years ago, thankfully it didn't get too serious. My boyfriend left me and he flat out told me it was because I wouldn't be intimate with him. It left me feeling like I wasn't worth it to him and my already low self esteem plunged down even deeper. Just know you aren't alone. I didn't want my friends to know how bad I felt about my self so I tried to hide it. Your friends most likely will pick up on it. Mine sure did and I found out when I opened up to them I felt so much stronger. I don't have self esteem problems as much as I used to. Just remember that you have friends, family, and all of us here to support you!
Everytime I see your face it reminds me of the places, we used to go..
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Posted: 19 Jul 2009 10:25 PM         Subject: RE: I won't be on as much...
Thanks Heather and deirdrelove. :)

I've been alright this weekend. I went to the carnival for a little bit but it sort of went downhill. My mom and I were walking past this booth where you sign up for modeling and my mom made me sign up. I don't want to be a model. A stupid model is what got me into this mess and it was hard enough for me to look at the other girls signing up who are skinner then me. I thought it was nice my mom thinks I could be one but I can't go down that route. I know what kinds of pressures are put on models to be skinny and I really don't need someone telling me to lose weight at the moment. On top of that we were talking about all getting on a ride together and my mom goes, "Ashley might weigh 98." I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs that I weighed 92. About ten minutes after that I ran home (the carnival is 5 minutes from my house) crying.

I've been trying to say at least five good qualities about my self each morning while listening to the Beatles. I think it's working because I ate a little more then I usually do today and I didn't cry or freak out once. I've also been cooking with my mom because I thought it might make me more hungry and I'll end up eating more. I also didn't over do it on the exercising this weekend. I'm pretty proud of myself. :)
Hi, I'm Ashley-
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holloway


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Posted: 19 Jul 2009 10:53 PM         Subject: RE: I won't be on as much...
Yay Ashley [;

You're working your way through this, and you should be proud of that.


"When the sky turns gray
and everything is screaming
I will reach inside
just to find my heart is beating"
lepixiesan


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Posted: 19 Jul 2009 11:00 PM         Subject: RE: I won't be on as much...
Aren't you taller than me? If so, 92 sounds very unhealthy. I weigh 125

Either way, I'm really glad that you're working through this. You're a great person and you ARE strong enough go conquer this. You're not alone
through this. You've got me and the rest of Bzoink on your side rooting for you. I've got faith in you.
These walls are strange...

My name is Wendy.
..
holloway


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Posted: 19 Jul 2009 11:14 PM         Subject: RE: I won't be on as much...
We all have faith in you, and we are all here for you.
"When the sky turns gray
and everything is screaming
I will reach inside
just to find my heart is beating"
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Posted: 20 Jul 2009 11:17 AM         Subject: RE: I won't be on as much...
Thanks guys. :) I haven't had any dreams about my weight or eating in a few days so I really think I'm making progress.

Wendy, I am taller then you. I found a health website to check my BMI (body mass index) and entered in all my information and they said my weight was healthy. I wasn't sure if that was right but then I went to the doctors and got weighed and the doctors said nothing about it so I figured I'm alright. I don't know if doctors are instructed to tell you if your underweight or overweight but my doctor sucks so maybe I am and they just didn't care enough to tell me. 92 probably isn't very healthy but I guess it's better then being underweight. :roll:
Hi, I'm Ashley-
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lepixiesan


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Posted: 20 Jul 2009 12:30 PM         Subject: RE: I won't be on as much...
Interesting... As long as you think you're healthy. Nonethelss, I knowyoull get through all this.
These walls are strange...

My name is Wendy.
..
friendly-fire


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Posted: 21 Jul 2009 12:05 PM         Subject: RE: I won't be on as much...
The modeling agency called me and they want me to audition on Wednesday. I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not. I checked on their website and they said their choices are based on personalities only and I'm a pretty good person I guess. Them calling back surprised me and did boost my confidence, how many girls do they have who call and actually get called back? This is a once and a life time experience and I think I should do it. I don't care what other people think of me and if they don't choose me then it's their lost. At least I'll know it's not because of my weight and they just don't like me as a person. I think doing this will help me and I'm going to go in there on Wednesday confident and enthusiastic. I'm not going to get my hopes up but if I do get it then I'll be super duper happy. I want to do this because when I got that phone call it made me realize that I am good enough to do something like this if I just try. I want some opinions, though. Do you guys think it would be a good idea for me to do this? I know how tough modeling agencies can be but I'm willing to take the chance.
Hi, I'm Ashley-
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http://www.formspring.me/norwegianwood9
http://norwegianwood9.tumblr.com/

lepixiesan


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Posted: 22 Jul 2009 11:29 AM         Subject: RE: I won't be on as much...
Go for it, but don't let other people, such as models and agents, influence you in a bad way.
These walls are strange...

My name is Wendy.
..
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