holloway
Posts: 21659
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| Posted: 24 Jun 2011 10:11 PM Subject: Help, I guess? :/ |
Alright, so I'm in a really crappy position, and I don't know what to do.
I've had a boyfriend for almost 3 months, and he makes me extremely happy. I can tell him a lot of stuff I wouldn't normally tell, and he makes my life better for me. He's just amazing. So, he left for two weeks, and I recently re-connected with another friend, Alex. Alex and I used to like each other, but I said that we should just stay friends. We stopped talking for about 6 months, and I texted him the other day saying I missed our conversations and him. We talked on the phone for the first time yesterday, and it was great. The bad thing? I think I'm starting to like him. He told me he likes me again, and he wants me. :/ The thing that scared me was we were talking about maybe dating if I didn't have a boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to dump for boyfriend for him. I'm a better person than that. Is this cheating? /:
I don't think it is. We're just talking.. but i'm not sure. I just want to know so I can stop it.
Anything would be greatly appreciated.
Thank youuu. |
"When the sky turns gray
and everything is screaming
I will reach inside
just to find my heart is beating"
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dipsliderideout
Posts: 16615
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| Posted: 24 Jun 2011 10:53 PM Subject: RE: Help, I guess? :/ |
Well as much as I hate sounding/being cliche and saying what most people would think...here it is:
First off, I don't think I would call that cheating. Talking is not cheating, or at least the talking you described isn't. However, if you're starting to like him, chances are the more you talk to him, the more you'll like him. Now if it was just him starting to like you, and you were afraid of starting to like him, you could maybe talk to him about it and tell him "Look, you're a great guy, but I'm happy in the relationship I'm in.". However, since you say you're starting to like him too, I think the best thing you can do is stop talking to him. You can't let him get between you and your current boyfriend because that could result in a situation of the worst case scenario, where you lose them both. So long story short, I say find a way to stop talking to him and stay dedicated to the guy you currently have. |
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It's not about how someone is, it's about who they are. If you think in terms of how, you're missing the point. |
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ouilleaux
Posts: 4036
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| Posted: 24 Jun 2011 11:30 PM Subject: RE: Help, I guess? :/ |
Well... I think you should wait and see what happens. I was in a similar situation, and had a wonderful boyfriend (we had started to separate a little already, but were still very close) and I started liking someone else. I ignored it for a while, but it got to the point where I was "emotionally cheating," I thought. In the end it's not why I broke up with my boyfriend, but to be honest it may have sped up the process. I'm in a relationship with the other person I started liking and I've been happier than I could imagine. And me and my now ex are still very good friends.
It really depends on how exactly you feel. If stopping talking to Alex will make you feel terrible and regretful, don't do it. If breaking up with your boyfriend will make you feel like that, don't do it either. In time you'll know which way you really want to go, things like this seem to make themselves clearer after a while. You may stop liking Alex, or you and your boyfriend may go separate ways. Or something completely different.
I'd say just wait it out. It will work itself out in the end. :] |
Emotional Landscapes.
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holloway
Posts: 21659
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| Posted: 25 Jun 2011 10:38 PM Subject: RE: Help, I guess? :/ |
Thanks, guys. <3
Well, Alex said he really likes me, and he wants me to break up with my boyfriend, but he won't make me do that.
Everything's a bit more organized. I'm going to stay with my boyfriend, and maybe stay friends with Alex.
Thanks loves. :] |
"When the sky turns gray
and everything is screaming
I will reach inside
just to find my heart is beating"
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eaglesfan1988
Posts: 11323
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| Posted: 27 Jun 2011 10:17 AM Subject: RE: Help, I guess? :/ |
well holloway in a situation like this you gotta ask yourself who you like more alex or your bf you've been going out with for quite some time i wouldnt necessarily say its cheating or anything but in my opinion if i were you id stick with your bf youve been seeing and just stay friends with alex
thats just my opinion |
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macro
Posts: 1028
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| Posted: 30 Jun 2011 05:37 PM Subject: RE: Help, I guess? :/ |
I wanna throw in my two cents here because I'm always worried about this exact same situation happening to me.
Cheating is anything that you do with another guy that you wouldn't want your boyfriend to find out about. It could also be anything you do with another guy that your boyfriend wouldn't find acceptable, though this would vary by relationship because some people are more paranoid than others.
Talk to your boyfriend about this first and decide where to go from there. He needs to be included in this or else you are emotionally cheating. :[ But it's okay, sometimes we have little crushes because we always want what we can't have. I don't think you should be talking to your friend about this stuff if it makes you want him though. Just have sort of a friendly conversation. I've left a boyfriend for another guy before (who turned out to be horrible) because I just had stopped caring for my ex and it crushed my his heart. :[ |
My name is Sydney. :]
I'm one part gentle and two parts random. |
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mizzshears
Posts: 4697
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| Posted: 30 Jun 2011 06:42 PM Subject: RE: Help, I guess? :/ |
If you are ever unsure about whether you are cheating or not, just ask yourself if you would mind your boyfriend doing this to another girl.
For example, i'm not saying he does but, I wouldn't mind if my boyfriend flirted a little bit with other girls, just as long as it didn't have any meaning to it.
There's nothing wrong with a little bit of harmless flirting, there's not going to just be one single person you're attracted to, there'll be loads. Also knowing you're attractive to others helps with self esteem, and it also helps to keep a relationship alive and reminds your partner how lucky they are to have you.
I guess Alex gives you a confidence boost, but you shouldn't play on his feelings either. Be carefull with your relationship with him, it would be good if you could just be friends but if you don't think it would work out you need to let him know that you are not interessted in him, and to stay away as best you can (seeing as you have chosen to stay with your boyfriend)
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Nickname: Burdock
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