Topic: Dear Diary,,
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roxy-ryan


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Posted: 06 Mar 2009 10:16 PM       Subject: Dear Diary,,
I think this is pretty straight forward. Let it out! So to speak.


Roxy Ryan
30
Obsessed with AMC's The Walking Dead, Disney and Tumblr.

Wanna keep a hold of my heart
I'm falling into this again
Falling in and out of love.
roxy-ryan


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Posted: 06 Mar 2009 10:20 PM         Subject: RE: Dear Diary,,
Dear Diary,

Today I've realised maybe he doesn't care as much as he says he does. I don't get it. I have no idea what I've done. I just wish I knew what he was thinking. *sigh*


Roxy Ryan
30
Obsessed with AMC's The Walking Dead, Disney and Tumblr.

Wanna keep a hold of my heart
I'm falling into this again
Falling in and out of love.
thisisredemption


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Posted: 06 Mar 2009 10:36 PM         Subject: RE: Dear Diary,,
Dear Diary;

I am so... blessed. I know I gripe and moan and complain sometimes, but deep down, I know it very well: my life is truly amazing. No matter how bad things look sometimes, I know there's always someone there for me. There's always a reason to smile. I love these days, when I can honestly bring myself to appreciate these little wonders in my life.

I wish everyone would have these days, and I wish I had them more often.



Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.




name's Dessy. :] talk to me!




Anyone can give up. It's the easiest thing in the world to do - but to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.
-egocentricity-


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Posted: 07 Mar 2009 06:42 AM         Subject: RE: Dear Diary,,
Dear Diary,

During times when I cannot find the words to express myself, or the text to reflect my most guarded emotional state, I write knowing that I will understand, should I look upon this text again. The second that I re-read this ( or anything of a similar nature ) will be the second that I am, once again, hit with what I am feeling now. That's why I like diaries, sometimes ... You can say nothing, but feel so much. And you can return to it, minus the tale of the incident, and feel the same ... Without anyone else knowing what's going on, how you really feel, or anything. Very secretive.
[ it's an " e g o thing. " ]
iloveharrypotter


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Posted: 07 Mar 2009 09:32 AM         Subject: RE: Dear Diary,,
Dear Diary,

I don't know what I was thinking. He's not my "type", he's not even as cute as I thought he was. He's a great friend, but nothing more.
roxy-ryan


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Posted: 07 Mar 2009 11:30 AM         Subject: RE: Dear Diary,,
Dear Diary,

He called me tonight.
I didn't expect to hear what I did though.
Hurt is all that I can say.
He told me he was hurt from something I had said about an ex boyfriend of mine and he thinks I still like my ex. He said he needs time and maybe things will be okay if not they won't work out.
I have no idea what to say or what to feel.
I need sleep.


Roxy Ryan
30
Obsessed with AMC's The Walking Dead, Disney and Tumblr.

Wanna keep a hold of my heart
I'm falling into this again
Falling in and out of love.
xkatyxconspiracy


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Posted: 09 Mar 2009 03:35 AM         Subject: RE: Dear Diary,,
Dear Diary,

Ugh, I don't even know how to feel right now. My mom apologized to me earlier, but I heard not one single trace of remorse or guilt in her tone. She only said it so that way she can say that she apologized, and then go on to say that I'm wrong for still being upset with her, even after she apologized. Sure, she said she was sorry, but it's not like she meant it. And even if she did mean it, doesn't she realize that it would STILL take time for me to get over it? I mean, what she did was completely horrible, and she's still blowing it off as though it's absolutely nothing. My mom and I are practically strangers now. I hate this. I hate this so much. My dad isn't much help... sure, he feels bad for me, but he's not going to stand up to my mom... God forbid.

Gawh, I have this stupid pain in my shoulder... it's been a week, and it's just getting worse and worse with each day, instead of better like I thought it would. I'm starting to wonder whether or not it's a serious injury, and I really think I need to go to the doctor. But oh, wait! -smacks forehead- it's not like I have a mom who cares enough to take me! She's too busy screaming at me or ignoring me to care. Guess I'll just have to wait until my shoulder/arm falls off or something. Maybe then she'd care. Or maybe she'd just laugh like she did about the chemicals...

And GAH! I want to see James so bad. I'm starting to realize that I cared so much more for him that I ever knew. I mean, it's one thing to hide feelings from others, but for them to be hidden from yourself? I didn't think I was capable of such a thing... but apparently, I am. I haven't seen him in about a year, and I absolutely hate that. He was one of my best friends... and we kind of drifted apart. I'm so glad we're talking again, though, but maybe I should stop it. It's obvious that we're both interested in one another, butttttttt, he's 22, meaning he's five years older than me. I don't need to give my mom another reason to flip out on me. On the other hand, I'm seriously considering asking him if I can stay at his place for a while, until my mom gets over whatever the heck is wrong with her.

But, who knows how much longer she'll even be here? She's talking about leaving us, so fine, whatever, she can leave. If she doesn't want us, then I guess we're just better off without her.

This month must just hate me or something.

I ramble way too much, I know. Sorry. But gah, I feel so much better now.
Would it be okay if I took your breath a w a y ?
roxy-ryan


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Posted: 09 Mar 2009 09:52 AM         Subject: RE: Dear Diary,,
Dear Diary,

He's acting as though he's happy were not talking. He is acting all "normal" unless he's hiding it.
I don't know its so hard to tell what he's thinking when were on the so called "break".

Another ex is starting to message me again saying he has strong feelings for me still. That's def. Over.

*sighs*


Roxy Ryan
30
Obsessed with AMC's The Walking Dead, Disney and Tumblr.

Wanna keep a hold of my heart
I'm falling into this again
Falling in and out of love.
mizzshears


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Posted: 09 Mar 2009 05:49 PM         Subject: RE: Dear Diary,,
Dear Diary,

Theres some things that I just can't bring to tell anyone, although I really should. I dont know.. i'm just going to wait a while see how things pan out.
Nickname: Burdock





mandalew


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Posted: 09 Mar 2009 07:34 PM         Subject: RE: Dear Diary,,
Dear Diary,

Seriously, school is very annoying. People and homework bug me so freaking much. I'll be glad to graduate. I hope it doesn't sound as if I'm wishing my life away, but I've never hated school like this.

To make matters worse, I'm having other issues. Not really any family involved things though. Just some crap I wish could be resolved. Life would definitely be a whole lot more simple.

I'm sick and tired of how everything has been lately. Hopefully soon, real soon, my life will take a turn for the better. If not, I may go insane. I feel bad for complaining, because there are for sure other people who have it worse.

Anyway, this is all for now. Enough about me and my problems. It felt good to let this out though. It's much easier than doing it verbally and screwing things up uber badly.
Amanda :]
jdkitten


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Posted: 10 Mar 2009 01:45 AM         Subject: RE: Dear Diary,,
Dear Diary,

Crying seems pointless now. Its been 5 or more years...I can't remember how long...I still feel like someone ripped me in 2 and never put me back together. Now all I'm left with is people who can't understand or who think I should have never been affected by it. After all I only loved him and spent everyday with him for the first 15 years of my life....
I'm Jennifer,aka Jenn

roxy-ryan


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Posted: 10 Mar 2009 06:25 AM         Subject: RE: Dear Diary,,
Dear Diary,

Its over.
Before it even really began.
He played with my heart
He messed with my head.

I can't take this.


Roxy Ryan
30
Obsessed with AMC's The Walking Dead, Disney and Tumblr.

Wanna keep a hold of my heart
I'm falling into this again
Falling in and out of love.
thisisredemption


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Posted: 11 Mar 2009 07:59 PM         Subject: RE: Dear Diary,,
Dear Diary;

I miss him, and God, I know I shouldn't. He was... messed up. I honestly believe something's wrong with that boy. From the things he said, to the things he did - and even after finally admitting it, a part of me still feels like it's my fault, like I deserved it, like I went too far and what I got was justice. It's ironic that I've never been the type to say anyone who's abused deserves it, and yet, I've been accusing myself of deserving it. And then, it's like a part of me doesn't even want to care in the first place, because it's no big deal, right? But it is, and I need to face up to that, to face up to the fact that yes, everything was a big deal and I can't just pretend it wasn't. I'm sick and tired of acting like I don't care, because God, I do.

And yet, even with all this, I find myself missing him. He hasn't been around in a while, and I miss seeing him. I reason with myself that it's easier to see him, because it confirms for me that I don't need him anymore, that I'm a thousand times better off - which, honestly, I am. And maybe, deep down, I'm not just trying to convince myself: maybe, somewhere in there, I really do feel this way and it's not just an excuse, but it's so hard to tell when I can't decide if I'm feeling this way because I miss him, or if it's that I miss who he used to be, or if it's something else entirely.

And then, there's this other boy - he's the "something else entirely" - and I hate the way I feel about him. I don't want to like him, and yet, I do, far more than I like to acknowledge. It's gotten hard to be around him, and I don't like that, because, before, it didn't bother me to be with him. Now, though, he's acting oddly and my hopes are a roller coaster, going up and down with every thing he says. I want so badly to be open with him, the way I used to be, but I'm suddenly finding myself utterly terrified of what he could say.

This boy has the potential to make or break me, and he doesn't even realize it.

x



(Sorry for rambling, but I feel a little better - and yet, somehow... not.)



Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.




name's Dessy. :] talk to me!




Anyone can give up. It's the easiest thing in the world to do - but to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.
a7xbabii


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Posted: 11 Mar 2009 10:22 PM         Subject: RE: Dear Diary,,
Dear diary,

Today I heard something that lifted my spirits in a way, but in a way crushed them. Maybe that is the reason why he wanted a break. I shouldn't have been so..angry..until I knew for sure what was going on. I feel bad because that happened to him, which makes me upset for him. But, in a way, it gives me faith that he will come back one of these days, when he recovers from this. I wish I could have the courage to at least talk to him to confirm this, but I don't want to bring it up because it could hurt him. I should have believed him..what is wrong with me?

If we ever get back together, I am going to be the best girlfriend he has ever had. I won't joke around, starting arguments. I'll actually be more careful this time around, if it ever comes.

-Cortney.


RestInPeace, Jimmy"TheRev"Sullivan.♥



roxy-ryan


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Posted: 13 Mar 2009 01:05 AM         Subject: RE: Dear Diary,,
Dear Diary,

I love daniel

Xoxo


Roxy Ryan
30
Obsessed with AMC's The Walking Dead, Disney and Tumblr.

Wanna keep a hold of my heart
I'm falling into this again
Falling in and out of love.
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