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holloway


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Posted: 07 Feb 2013 05:30 PM       Subject: ---
I've dug myself into a hole too deep to crawl out of this time...

Constant fights. Yelling at each other. Threatening each other. But at the same time, being so happy, so in love when we're okay.

I had a breakdown the other day and I was close to cutting, but instead of that, I went to my ex-boyfriend who was familiar with my habits and knew how to handle them when we were dating. I went to him instead of Colin because last time, Colin threatened to break up with me, yelled at me and told me he'd tell my dad. Since this has happened the other week, I feel like the majority of my feelings and butterflies for Colin have disappeared. I've been told multiple times that I'm still young - I should find another guy. That Colin's not going to be there for me in the Air Force, but it's my choice to stay with him while he's gone. Two weeks ago, my stomach did flips when I was going to see him, but now that feeling's gone.. Fighting so often, I feel like this was the very fight we needed for me to realize how awful our relationship really was. I was that girlfriend that wanted to know everything that went on with him - wanting to know who he was with, what he was doing, if he was having fun. I have no desire to ask him anymore - to even talk to him lately. But today, I was given the strength to finally stand up for myself and end it. Yesterday, one of my ex's started talking to me, we hung out, and I caught myself smiling which was huge considering I haven't been smiling much lately. But now I'm caught in between liking my ex-boyfriend and Colin. I feel like if Colin and I were to date again, it wouldn't be for awhile, but at the same time, I want to date him so I can spend our one year together (which is next month) I feel so selfish and I'm trying to do the right thing and give myself plenty of space and try to re-built myself as the person I want to be. I just feel like I need something to help me figure out what to do and who to be with, but I guess that's all up to me.

Anyway, this wasn't really for anything - just for my thoughts! But if anyone has advice or anything, I'd appreciate it. <3
"When the sky turns gray
and everything is screaming
I will reach inside
just to find my heart is beating"
andy


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Posted: 07 Feb 2013 07:56 PM         Subject: RE: ---
Oh, my dear holloway.

First of all I am sorry to hear that you are in this situation and hurting. Second, I will try to reply unbiasly even though we both know I think you're adorable and very fancy.

Making changes in relationships is always hard because you're right there in the situation. It sounds like you are unhappy with Colin and you've ended it. While right now it hurts and is confusing ultimately you ending it is the right move. By ending it you WILL eventually heal and move on, and not even think of him anymore. If you stick with him in an unhappy situation there is always the very slim chance that you two will work it out but more than likely your pain and misery will just drag on forever and ever until you finally say enough. You're better than that, and deserve better not only FOR yourself but FROM yourself.

As for the ex-boyfriend. Ex's are usually ex's for a reason. Right now you are in an unhappy situation and your ex is a comfortable memory, but that's probably all he is. I would tread carefully.

You will do what you do, and that's the way it should be. Personally I recommend ditching them both and not making any rash relationship decisions. But that's me. Some people move from relationship to relationship very quickly, and that works for them.

I'm pretty sure you know what you need to do, you just need to trust yourself, listen to yourself, and love yourself enough to get it done.

<3 always.
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holloway


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Posted: 07 Feb 2013 08:46 PM         Subject: RE: ---
Andy. <3

"Even though we both know I think you're adorable and very fancy." : ) <3

I talked to him and said if anything were to happen with us, we were going to have to be friends first. I figured if I was able to stay with him through fight after fight, he must be worth more to me than I think. I don't know.. thank you for your advice!

<3

"When the sky turns gray
and everything is screaming
I will reach inside
just to find my heart is beating"
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