Topic: Update / I need advice...
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daniellexx5xx


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Posted: 14 Jul 2009 08:13 PM       Subject: Update / I need advice...
Okay, so I know most of you know about the situation with my dad, and how he was abusive when I was younger and stuff, if you remember the thread I made awhile ago. Well, I don't know if I mentioned that I haven't talked to him in over 8 months. Not a word. Well, about a week ago, we started, um, I wouldn't call it "talking," more like... a word here and there. I think him knowing that I was probably never going to talk to him again, and he was about to lose one of his children, had a huge effect on him. I think he's changed. I'm not for sure, and I'm not getting my hopes up. But I think that maybe he has. And keep in mind, that me not having a father in my life is really killing me. Just seeing other kids and their dads being happy and stuff, like out in public. It kills me inside. It really does, even if I hated my dad's guts at the time and I've never really had a close relationship with him, because most of my life I have hated him, but just seeing happy kids and their dads made me sick to my stomach.

He's trying to get me back in his life. Here's my question, should I give him another chance? ( Keep in mind, I've given him many chances before, but I've never done something to this extent to where I haven't talked to him for 8 months.
shiny-italy


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Posted: 14 Jul 2009 08:22 PM         Subject: RE: Update / I need advice...
Sure it might be a good idea if you think he really has changed, especially if it's hurting both of you. Maybe he feels bad for abusing you and wants you to forgive him? I've never been in a situation like that before so I may not be the best help..*hugs* Good luck
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deirdrelove


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Posted: 14 Jul 2009 10:59 PM         Subject: RE: Update / I need advice...
If you feel ready to start slowing letting him back in you should. I'm really close to my father... I couldn't imagine not having him in life anymore. A friend of mine is going through the same situation only his father hasn't been in his life since he was 4 and he is 17 now. He saw him off and on but his dad is starting to try to reach out to him a lot more now. Just follow your gut instinct when you're around him and be safe!
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charey-chas


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Posted: 15 Jul 2009 07:16 AM         Subject: RE: Update / I need advice...
Yeah, it's probaly best that you don't completly feel that he's changed and don't get your hopes too high up. Like deirdrelove, I have a friend who's come through something similar, she didn't grow up with her dad at all and he didn't enter her life until almost 2 years ago, and she's just starting to warm up to him abit.

My advice, take it slow. He's hurt you, so you should definitly take some time to let him back in to your life. Just try to have simple conversations with him whenever you can handle it, until maybe you can really talk to him about how you've felt. So yeah, just take it slow, let things fall into place as they may, but try your best to prevent yourself from getting hurt this time around.

I also know how you feel about seeing people with the fathers, or for me just their family, and being quite happy and getting along, while me and my family are horrible together.

Well hope I gave you some advice, or atleast helped in some way. :]
daniellexx5xx


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Posted: 15 Jul 2009 11:56 AM         Subject: RE: Update / I need advice...
Yeah, I've learned to not get my hopes up about anything. But, yeah, I guess I'll try to give him another chance. But if he does anything, or in this case says anything that I don't like, 'cause he's emotionally and mentally as well as physically abusive, that's the last straw. No more chances, and I'll never say another word to him.

Thanks for the great advice you guys! I love you all.
xkelster462x


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Posted: 15 Jul 2009 02:19 PM         Subject: RE: Update / I need advice...
I would take everyday at a time. Maybe start talking more and more but take it slow. Don't totally forgive him yet. Things like this take a long time. After you start talking more, ya know tell him about Bzoink, School, Friends or whatever you trust him with. Like I said don't rush because then it'll be to much for all of you to handle. 8 Months is a pretty long time but you only have one Dad. I hope I was help! Good Luck and I hope you can get through this hard time.

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mlooovsee71


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Posted: 16 Jul 2009 05:42 PM         Subject: RE: Update / I need advice...
I don't talk to my dad either, I haven't in a year and three months. I know it's really hard and I deffinately know what you mean about seeing other kids with happy dads. But if he really seems different this time, and you really want to try to have a relationship with him, you coul,d always let him back in slowly and if he shows signs of his old behavior, just push him back out. Let how much you're in his life be up to him and how he acts.
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