Topic: Pretty important - I just need some opinions.
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daniellexx5xx


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Posted: 18 May 2009 05:01 PM       Subject: Pretty important - I just need some opinions.
Okay. I'm kind of upset, borderline crying right now so if I make many typo's I'm sorry. Everything's just getting to me.

I just need some opinions on if I'm overreacting about the situation I've had to deal with for the past 2, eh, 2 and a half years.

Well, to start out, for the past 2 years I haven't had a stable home at all. I mean, after my parents got divorced my mom decided she just didn't have to act like a good mom anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love her and she's one of the most important people in my life and I'd do anything for her. She really does try to do things for us and make things better for us. But she's just irresponsible. Very irresponsible.

[ This incident has happened multiple times, not just last night. It's, I guess what you would call, reoccuring. ] Last night, around 6:00 P.M., she decided she was bored and "needed to get out for awhile." She said she'd be back shortly. Well, time passed and time passed, and she wasn't coming back. I already knew what was going on, I mean it's not like it hadn't happened before. I was used to it. I knew exactly where she was too. At Johns. Basically, they're "just friends." But I think you can gather what that means. I mean it's not like I have a problem with him or anything or even them being together, but the fact that she leaves and DOESN'T come back even when she says she will, and doesn't even bother to call or anything, so for all we know she could be dead laying in a ditch somewhere. Anywho, she knew we [ me & my sister ] had school the next day and acts like she doesn't even care. And what really makes me mad is that it's not like she's even trying to long term / seriously date / marry this guy. HE HAS 8 DIFFERENT "GIRLFRIENDS!" So it's not even like she's going to get anywhere with anything. I mean I could see if she was ready to settle down and marry or move in with someone, but, seriously? And what makes it worse is that she KNOWS he has all these girlfriends. It's like she has no backbone at all. Oh and btw, we do live with my grandparents right now so my grandma got us to school, but I was almost freaking late, and I already don't have any tardies left because of similar situations in the past, this year just like this. I was literally within 18-20 seconds of being late.

Sorry if that was a little all over the place, I'm just.. I don't know. Ready to bust.

But, yeah, the main thing I wanted to know is, am I overreacting? Is getting mad at her for things like this making me seem like a brat or selfish or anything of that sort? Please, be honest, and let me know. I just need to know, I've been wondering for God knows how long.
lepixiesan


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Posted: 18 May 2009 05:13 PM         Subject: RE: Pretty important - I just need some opinions.
That is pretty irresponsible of her...But you always must keep in mind that she's going through this, too. My dad fell very ill about four (almost five) years ago and my mom made a "friend" because my dad basically regressed back to being a 5-year-old again. One thing that was difficult for me to understand at first was that my mom was an adult woman who had needs of her own. Once I understood that, it made the entire situation more tolerable. I don't think that you're overreacting, because this is something very difficult to deal with--I know this. Eventually you'll learn to accept it and your mother will become more responsible. I understand that it's weird knowing that your mom is seeing this guy and not planning on being with him seriously or long term. Sometimes that's just what somebody needs, especially after something like a divorce. Your mother has reasons for everything that she's doing--reasons that you might not fully understand right now.

If worse comes to worst, talk to her about it. She'll understand what you're saying and maybe she'll offer you some words of comfort. Maybe you can make a deal. You can ask her to be more responsible and try to act like a good mother and you'll be okay with her going to see this man.

I know this is difficult for you right now, but when you begin to understand everything, it should work out okay. If you need to talk to someone, you can IM me on AIM (PsycheAdrenaline) or you can PM me here.
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charvisioku


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Posted: 18 May 2009 05:17 PM         Subject: RE: Pretty important - I just need some opinions.
Don't even think for a millisecond that you're being a brat! You have every right to be angry at your mum for being like that. Okay, so she may be torn up from the split with your dad, but she has absolutely no right to be messing you and your sister around like that! You don't deserve to grow up in such an unsteady situation; have you tried talking to her or to your grandparents or any other relations who may be willing to listen? If not, I strongly recommend you do try to talk to someone who may be able to help. I know you can't really stop her seeing this man (who sounds like a complete pig, by the way), but she should know better than to leave you without any knowledge of when she'll be back! I hope you manage to sort something out; good luck <3
I'd give my everything to you, follow you through the garden of oblivion,
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"If you love me, then love me" - Susan Delgado

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daniellexx5xx


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Posted: 18 May 2009 05:32 PM         Subject: RE: Pretty important - I just need some opinions.
Thanks guys. :D

And to answer your question about talking to her.
That's not really how my family works.
Honestly, and I don't like admitting this, but my family is crazy. Literally.
My dad feeds off putting other people down. And thrives on playing head games with you until you get so messed up that you want to commit suicide. I sure did. My mom is almost a complete opposite of my dad, she is just way too irresponsible to have children, as harsh as that is to say. My family just isn't the "talking about it" type, as sad as it is. But a person, especially a 14 year old, can only take so much of living like this. I don't know how much more I can take.

And, Wendy I understand where you're coming from. I know she is having a hard time too, but I know of many moms that are in the same situation and are doing things for their kids, FIRST. My mom, in this case, is certainly not doing that. No matter how you look at it. But thanks for the advice & thoughts, both of you.
lepixiesan


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Posted: 18 May 2009 05:42 PM         Subject: RE: Pretty important - I just need some opinions.
That's very true, Danielle, but just know that if you ever need anything, then you can IM me/PM me. I'll do what I can to help.
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My name is Wendy.
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daniellexx5xx


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Posted: 18 May 2009 05:44 PM         Subject: RE: Pretty important - I just need some opinions.
Thank you, Wendy. It means so much, really. Gosh, I don't know what I would do without Bzoink.
xxakqkxx


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Posted: 18 May 2009 05:44 PM         Subject: RE: Pretty important - I just need some opinions.
Hello.
I am in the SAME situation as you right now, except im 13.
Like that even matters, but other than that, my mom now has a boyfriend who is an ALCOHOLIC! he doesnt like me what-so-ever. he only likes my little brother and sister.
My mom CHEATED on my father for almost 2 YEARS. My mom is so ignorant, and like your family my family isnt the "talking type" either.
My mom doesnt call me, she has to TEXT me, like whats her problem.
If it gets to hard for you, just seriously sit your mother down and tell her how you feel, and if she doesnt listen its her loss.
Message me if you want.
Dont worry everything will be alright, trust me. :)
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xkatyxconspiracy


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Posted: 18 May 2009 05:54 PM         Subject: RE: Pretty important - I just need some opinions.
Wow, I'm really sorry to hear all of this. :[
No kid, (and I don't mean that in a degrading sort of way, btw, :-p) should have to go through that.

I don't think you're overreacting a bit. I mean, if she is leaving you and your sister to go see some pig, then she should have the courtesy of calling y'all and checking in every now and again.

And I know what you mean about how your family isn't the "talk it out" kind of family; mine's the same way. If I have a problem, or a problem with something they're doing, I try to talk it out with them, and it's just a nightmare. Eventually, what I had to start doing is talking to my grandma about it, and she graciously said that she would be sort of my 'middle-man', and she would go talk to my parents about whatever the problem was, and that really helped out a lot. They were definitely a lot quicker to listen to her than to listen to me. So, maybe you could try getting your grandparents to talk to her? Ask her if she would call every couple of hours or so while she was out, so that y'all would know that she's okay? That's the only thing I could really think of to do. :-/

As far as her seeing this guy, who seems like a complete loser... well, maybe that's just her reaction to the divorce? I mean, obviously, I don't know how long ago your parents separated, but, maybe she's still really torn up about it, and meeting up with this guy, however loser-ish he may be, is her way of coping with it. I'm sure that, with time, she'll realize that meeting up with him is wrong, and that she'll stop.

And I believe that you said you and your sister are staying with your grandparents right now? Well, maybe that's what your mother needs. I don't mean to say that she needs time away from you two; what I mean is, maybe y'all being away from your mom will make her wake up and realize the error of her ways.

I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help, but, I hope everything works out for the best. I'm always here if you need me, and if you ever want to talk, you can always send a message my way. :]
-hugs-
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daniellexx5xx


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Posted: 18 May 2009 05:59 PM         Subject: RE: Pretty important - I just need some opinions.
Thanks, Katy, so much. :)
* hugs back *

Oh, and sorry I wasn't clear enough about that. I mean, we're basically homeless. My mom doesn't have a job, so my mom, brother, sister, and I are all living with my grandparents. Sorry about that misunderstanding. :/

But thanks for your advice. :D
xkatyxconspiracy


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Posted: 18 May 2009 06:03 PM         Subject: RE: Pretty important - I just need some opinions.
Ahh, okay, I just took that the wrong way. :-p
But you're welcome! :]

The only other thing I can really tell you is to just give it time. I know it sucks, waiting things out, but I honestly think that if things between you and your mother are meant to get better, they will. Of course, that won't be achieved without putting forth a little bit of effort, but, you know what I mean. :]

Whenever you're feeling down, and feel like you just can't take it anymore, try to focus on the positive things in your life... try thinking of all the people, on and outside of Bzoink, who love you. They wouldn't want you to be sad. :[
Would it be okay if I took your breath a w a y ?
daniellexx5xx


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Posted: 18 May 2009 06:07 PM         Subject: RE: Pretty important - I just need some opinions.
:shock: :D
Gosh, you all really know how to take a frown and turn it upside down.

Thanks everyone.
lepixiesan


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Posted: 18 May 2009 06:34 PM         Subject: RE: Pretty important - I just need some opinions.
We love you to death, Danielle. You can always come to us with any problems. :D
These walls are strange...

My name is Wendy.
..
charvisioku


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Posted: 18 May 2009 07:27 PM         Subject: RE: Pretty important - I just need some opinions.
Well, they do say talking it out helps :)
I really hope that things do get sorted out. I know it's hard but keep your head up high and, like someone's already said, try to focus on those who are showing that they care. <3
I'd give my everything to you, follow you through the garden of oblivion,
If only I could tell you everything, the little things you'll never dare to ask me


"If you love me, then love me" - Susan Delgado

"The world eventually sends out a mean-ass Patrol Boy to slow your progress and show you who's boss." - Stephen King


Twilight: why the fuss? Seriously... it's really nothing special.
bubbles13


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Posted: 18 May 2009 08:58 PM         Subject: RE: Pretty important - I just need some opinions.
i dont think your overeacting.
i went through almost the same thing, my mom after my mom and dad got divored, was dating this jerk and she owuld go away to his house every weekend me and my brother would go with our dad. but they broke up. then my mom litterally startying being a slut. She was tlaking to all these guys and would on most occsions bring guys home while i was still awake coz i would have to babysitt my lil brother. She would be drunkand all this stuff. it was hard to go through. One night she had this kind of boyfriend. and she came home (without him) completey drunk.
She came inside and i had my friend kelsie over and she decided to take a walk. to her boyfriends house. me and kelsie just looked at each other unsure of what to do. then she just left. We ran upstairs to my aunt pjs room and told her. my aunt said well go get her! ill be there in a couple seconds with my car!" So me and kelsie ran outside at 2 am in the morning looking for my drunk mother who was wlaking to her boyfriends house.

So no your not overeacting. It is compltety wrong for you mother to be doing that. Try tlkaing to her about it. I recently tlaked to my mom about it and how i felt and she started crying and told me how sorry she was.
Im here for you Danielle. I really hope everything goes okay.
*hugs*
ily Danielle
daniellexx5xx


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Posted: 18 May 2009 08:58 PM         Subject: RE: Pretty important - I just need some opinions.
I swear, I've never met a nicer group of people than you guys. And the fact that you all seem like you care about me more than the people I know offline just amazes me. And the feelings mutual, trust me. And thanks again, to everyone who has posted. It's helped a lot. Actually, I think just being able to talk to someone was more helpful than the advice I got. Because you guys are just that cool. :D I just try not to being too many of my problems onto Bzoink, don't wanna annoy the crap out of yah, lol.
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