Topic: I don't know what to do anymore...
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xkatyxconspiracy


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Posted: 06 Apr 2009 03:35 AM       Subject: I don't know what to do anymore...
So, tonight, my mom left.
I seriously cannot convey the depth of pain that I'm feeling right now, but lemme tell you... it sucks.

And she didn't go gracefully, either....

It just sucks, 'cause... okay well, I don't mean to sound like I'm throwing a pity party here, or trying to make people feel sorry for me, but lately, a lot of negative things have been happening to me. From my mom poisoning my food with chemicals, to my grandma dying, having to be revived, and suffering brain damage, and an ex that I'm still in love with flaunting his fiance in my face and then telling me how much he wants and loves me when she's not around, and a few different things... yeah, I've had to deal with a lot of crap recently.

Well, these past two weeks or so, things had really been looking up. Everything was starting to get better, and I was really getting out of the depression that I had been in for so long.

Tonight, (well, last night, technically), I was hanging out with my two sisters and Philip, (one of my sister's boyfriend), at his college, just goofing off and playing Rockband, and actually getting to be a normal teenager and have a night of fun, when my mom called me.

I won't get into all the details of what she said, but... she was kind enough to let me know how much she hated our family, how she couldn't stand us anymore, and that she was leaving. Now, that was the better part of what she said... I can't bear to tell y'all what else she said right now, because it just hurts to think about it.

So, yeah... I just don't know what to do anymore. I was seriously on the verge of a mental breakdown, and this was the straw that broke the camels back.

Also, my mom... well, she suffers from a lot of back pain, and has had five back surgeries, none of which worked, so, she has to take a lot of prescription pain pills. Now, the pills that she has to take are really strong, so, one of the side effects of them make her really, well... dopey.

And I promise you guys, no she doesn't take too much medicine... it's honestly just a proven side effect of her medicine. But, when she takes it, it seriously makes her act like a five year old, and I have to take care of her basically 24/7, and that's hard to handle. I've been having to put aside my music, and at times, my schoolwork, to take care of her.

What sucks is... now I'm going to have to choose between staying with my mom, or staying with my dad.

I want to stay with my dad, because, well, I honestly couldn't bear to leave him by himself. He goes through so much, and I feel really bad for him. And, well, this is my home... regardless of whether or not my mom is here, it's still my home, and I don't want to leave it.

On the other hand, however, I feel compelled to go stay with my mom, because if something happened to her while she was on her medicine, like getting in a car accident or something, because she's basically brain dead, I would feel responsible.

I honestly just don't know what the ferk to do. I can't take this anymore... I really can't. I just wish I could go somewhere where I can put all of this behind me. :[
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Posted: 06 Apr 2009 05:32 AM         Subject: RE: I don't know what to do anymore...
I wish I knew the best thing to say or do in this situation, but I don't. The only thing that I can say, for sure, is that you are not responsible for pleasing either your mother or your father; you, yourself, should make the choice that's best for YOU in regards to where to stay. Don't overwhelm yourself with worry. I understand, it's hard ( impossible ) not to worry at least SOME in this situation, but don't let that worry influence you into making a decision that you might regret.

Living with your mother, in my opinion, doesn't sound like the best idea - just from what you've said recently. I may be wrong, of course, as I don't know even close to everything about what you're going through. If she does have to live alone while on medication, though, I am sure there are programs through the hospital, perhaps, that can be set up to make sure that she'll not be a danger to herself while medicated? Also, if she's not to far away, maybe people could check up on her daily, to make sure that she's alright?

You're still young yourself - it's not your job to take care of a grown woman. I know it sounds harsh to say it, but I mean it in the best way. You have to focus on you, because you're the one living your life. Don't hurt yourself or overwhelm yourself for the sake of other people. The best thing that you can do is to be a little selfish. Think about the things that will help you best, heal you best, and further your life. If your mom brings you down, maybe she's not the best person to be around all the time, even if it hurts.

I think you're also wise enough to know that this isn't your fault. Your mom's probably got her own set of issues to work through, and she's taking it out on you and the rest of your family right now. Don't let her negativity and behaviors get the best of you.

Since I know only a little bit, that's about all that I can say. Reach out to those that are around you, talk to them, ask advice. Get a lot of input, but ultimately decide on what YOU think is the best decision. This isn't something you should have to go through alone.

** Hugs! **
[ it's an " e g o thing. " ]
roxy-ryan


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Posted: 06 Apr 2009 06:30 AM         Subject: RE: I don't know what to do anymore...
:shock:
Im so sorry.


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Posted: 06 Apr 2009 10:57 AM         Subject: RE: I don't know what to do anymore...
I can be a little bit of help with this considering my parents almost got a divorce last summer. My mom was going threw menopause and she was given anti-depressants which made her very dysfunctional. She accused my dad of sleeping with her sister and he didn't, she wouldn't believe him or me so my dad ended up leaving for a few days. They did end up working it out but I feel sad even thinking about it now. Having your parents split up is one of the worse things to have to go threw in my opinion.

Like you, I had problems deciding whether I would live with my mom or my dad. My mom was going threw a hard time like yours was but I still felt bad for my dad and I was on his side throughout the entire thing. I didn't end up having to chose a side but if I did I would have chosen my father, my mom would have my sister (although that's probably bad thing) and she could take care of herself. But I could see that my dad was slipping into depression and he needed someone. I'm not saying that you chose your dad but based on the facts you provided you be better off with him. Your mom, like ego said, is a grown women and can take care of herself. And hearing that she tried poisoning your food and has you put aside your schoolwork to take care of her doesn't put her on the mom of the year list. I think what you need to do is think of good and bad reasons to stay with your dad and good and bad reason to stay with your mom. Sort of like a pro and con list.

I think the mistake I made when I was going threw it was blaming myself, that's the worse possible thing you can do. Your mother and father's problems have nothing to do with you, there's no problem with you having fun and not worrying about them. You should be focusing on your school work and music, your mom can take care of herself. I can't even explain the pain I went threw as I'm sure you can't explain it either but if you ever need to talk to someone I'm here.

The thing to remember is the pain does go away eventually and you're never alone.
*hugs*

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xkelster462x


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Posted: 06 Apr 2009 11:53 AM         Subject: RE: I don't know what to do anymore...
Iíve been going through a lot for the past few years now. My mom and dad have too and also the whole entire world. People donít have enough money for food, gas, clothes, insurance, or whatever you need in life. People are dieing from diseases every day. My parentís fight about everything all the time theyíve always had. I was always the one to hear it to. My brother was always out having fun. When I was at my house having to deal with my parentís fighting everyday. It gets annoying but Iím getting off topic.

Iíve tried to kill myself more then once and Iíve done some bad things in my life. Iíve put my family through a living hell. Iíve been in and out of hospitals and Iím only 15. Iíve been on so many pills itís messing up my brain. Iím over weight almost close to 400. Iím scared to death if Iím going to make it past 20. I really do hope so because I have a lot planned for the future. But what Iím trying to say is. Even with the fights we have the misery Iíve put them all through. They are still here for me all the way.

Katy make the decisions you think is best youíre the one that matters in the end. Just keep being smart and working on your schoolwork and your music and youíll be successful in life. Just remember to always do your best and always try and keep a positive head. Like I said in the Bah, seriously thread. Iím always here for you no matter what. And I think you can get through this with some little guidance and some good decisions in your life. Just always keep that chin up.

I wish your family lots of luck in the future. I hope your mom feels a lot better. She will always be in my thoughts just like Danielleís family.


P.S. Katy I love you as a friend I know we are just on the internet but youíre an amazing fun loving girl. Donít ever change girl youíre amazingly smart and pretty. And because of all this your going through now will make you so much stronger in the future.

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andy


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Posted: 06 Apr 2009 01:16 PM         Subject: RE: I don't know what to do anymore...
There's a lot of long and thought out responses here, and I haven't read much of them. I think ego hit a lot of it though from what I skimmed. You're the kid in the situation, it's not your responsibility to take care either of your parents. They are the adults and they should know how to take care of themselves by now. As someone that makes all of his decisions based on other people, I am telling you to do what is best for YOU. If something happens to your mother, or your father, or anyone because of something that they did you have no reason to feel guilty about it. Could you have done or changed something if you were there? Maybe. But it's unfair for anyone to put you in those situations anyway.

As far as I see it, this is your mom's decision. She's the one making the choice to leave. So let her.

Either way, I hope everything starts to get better for you. :(
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mizzshears


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Posted: 06 Apr 2009 03:06 PM         Subject: RE: I don't know what to do anymore...
I think deep down your mum would want the best for you. Don't feel selfish in any way what so ever, because you're really not being, you've tried your best to look after her, and it is too much for one person to take on, especially at a young age when you have exams and your future to think about. I'd love to wave a magic wand and make everything better for you but unfortunatly I cant :[ sometimes you just feel better talking about your feelings, even if it's only on the internet.
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daniellexx5xx


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Posted: 06 Apr 2009 04:53 PM         Subject: RE: I don't know what to do anymore...
I think everyone has pretty much hit on what I was going to say. But I really agree with what Andy said about you being the kid in the situation. I know you feel responsible for a lot of this. But you're the kid, you need to be taken care of as well. And I really hope all of this works out in your favor in the end. We're all here for you, and we all love you. And don't worry, me, you, and Dallis are moving to Italy to get away from everything, remember? :]

Btw, thanks again, Kelly.
shiny-italy


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Posted: 06 Apr 2009 04:53 PM         Subject: RE: I don't know what to do anymore...
Oh wow I'm so sorry. You can't be responsible if you mom gets in an accident or something though..it was HER choice to move out and you shouldn't have to take care of her. And if she poisoned you..why live with her? What's if she does it again? I think the safest thing would be to live with your dad..but that's just me. I'm really sorry about all that *hugs*
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unexpected1-85


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Posted: 06 Apr 2009 05:32 PM         Subject: RE: I don't know what to do anymore...
Sorry to hear about all that. I've never had horrible situations with my parents like that, but I have a few friends whose situations I got to see and I know how hard it can be for someone your age. You know, you want to get out and do your own things and have fun and really start to begin your life - and you should - without worrying about your parents. You're almost considered an adult; your parents are adults. Sorry to be blunt here, but you shouldn't have to take care of your parents until they reach nursing home age or if they have some sort of illness. At this point in your life, you need them and your mother obviously isn't being there for you when you need her. I understand that you probably feel a little guilty, like maybe you thought it wasn't her fault she poisoned your food; it was probably because of the medication, right? Regardless, she isn't being a parent, and she can't be a parent in her condition. If she needs some time away from the family, let her have it. I can't imagine choosing between parents, but it really seems like your dad can provide you with a better life. I hope everything works out okay for you, and I hope this helped at least a little.
-hugs-
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Posted: 06 Apr 2009 05:56 PM         Subject: RE: I don't know what to do anymore...
Well I bet that everyone said what I would say and it's true, your mother made the choice to go and the other day I was talking to my aunt about something I'm going through and she told me that I shouldn't look at ways to blame myself. People will make their own decisions and sometimes even if they aren't the best you shouldn't try to pull them into the direction you want them to go, eventually they will most likely fall to deep and realize that what their doing is stupid. I just hope that she doesn't do anything that's a danger to herself. I hope this doesn't sound bad b/c I don't mean it in a bad way but it sounds a little that she might need some time in a psych ward or something...

And yeah a lot of the advise ppl put on here sounds the same b/c that's all you can really tell someone in that situation...You shouldn't have to take care of your mother but you know she's your mother and even with this going on, don't you still love her? I'm saying that moving in with her is the best thing but you should at least still be there for her. You can't always think of how to please others first all the time. You deserve to have some stress lifted from you. I think you can work this out and do what you think is best.
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xkatyxconspiracy


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Posted: 06 Apr 2009 11:03 PM         Subject: RE: I don't know what to do anymore...
Thanks guys, for all of your advice and support.
It truly means the world to me. -hugsssss-

I still don't know exactly what I'm going to do, but everything that all of y'all have said really did help me out, and I appreciate it.

It's such a great relief knowing that I have you guys to talk to, and I really don't know what I'd do without y'all.

So, again, thank you, from ze bottom of my hearttt. <3
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Posted: 07 Apr 2009 12:50 AM         Subject: RE: I don't know what to do anymore...
Its one of the worse situations to be in and nearly everything I was going to say ego covered.
You're an amazing girl and im so sorry. Im always here for you girl!
Xoxo


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Posted: 07 Apr 2009 01:07 AM         Subject: RE: I don't know what to do anymore...
There's really not much more to say! Everyone else covered it. But Katy, we love you to death and you know we're all here to offer our support. Just keep your head high, and if you can't do it on your own, we're here to help. -hugs-
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xkelster462x


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Posted: 07 Apr 2009 02:25 PM         Subject: RE: I don't know what to do anymore...
Katy I know you can get through this. Your really strong from what I've seen. So maybe you will cry a little let it all out. Don't ever hold that in or it'll eat you up inside.

I have a really good feeling everything will get much better from here on.
Just keep being there for your mom and yourself and your whole family. But don't get overwhelmed too much. But if you seriously do because it's hard not to get overwhelmed do something to calm that down.

Listen to music.
Take a bubble bath.
Or whatever relaxes you.



I actually did the exact same thing. My parent's wouldn't have lot's of money and would fight. So I'd always say I should have never went to the movies or bought that shirt or whatever I bought. That money they could have used. I was always trying to stop the fights and I would get yelled at then because I was always trying to defend my mom.


Just keep holding on tight never give up on yourself. Or your loved ones.



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