Topic: Dirty Little Secrets VI
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daniellexx5xx


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Posted: 23 Feb 2011 10:52 PM       Subject: Dirty Little Secrets VI
I'm pretty sure no one else made the new thread yet. If someone did, sorry. :/

It upsets a person to feel like they've lost themselves. I feel as if I've never met myself. I just constantly feel like a brainless, heartless, emotionless mess. Not necessarily emotionless as in I've never been happy, sad, excited, scared or angry... but just emotionless as in nothing gets through to me. I'm just walking through the motions of life, and not soaking in the memories, not enjoying the moments I should be... nothing. I feel like I'm spiraling into a big black hole of insecurity more so every day. It's like sometimes I just don't want to see tomorrow. That's not a suicidal statement coming from me, though. Because honestly, I don't have the guts for that. And plus, say I somehow won a million dollars tomorrow. I want to witness that. What if they found the cure to cancer tomorrow? I want to witness that. I want to live, but actually feel alive, emotionally while I'm physically breathing every second. Yeah, I smile sometimes. Not fake ones, either. Real, legitimate, sincere smiles. I have a few friends here and there. But I'm pushing them away, slowly. The times I should be having fun, laughing with everyone and saying funny things... I'm just sitting there, like I'm incapable of finding joy in anything. I want to feel happy and carefree, like most teenagers do. I want to maybe get in a fist fight with some chick that annoys me. I want to stand up for myself. I want to TALK when someone DOESN'T talk to me first. I want to answer a question if I know it in class without fear that someone will look at me. I want to live like a normal human being. I want to walk in front of a crowd without concentrating on my shoes. I want to get straight A's for once in my life. I want to have a legit conversation with someone that I see myself as not good enough to associate with. I want to get a job. I want to finally stop being scared to drive, and use that permit I just got. I want to buy a car, with MY money that I got working at MY job that I got by TALKING to someone that isn't my teddy bear, best friend, rat, or boyfriend.

I want to feel ALIVE.

... Sorry, that was probably worded completely stupid, but I had to get that out.
beautyinthebreak
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Posted: 23 Feb 2011 10:58 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI
Awh, Danielle, I love you.
Not to mention the fact that I've missed you a TON. <3
I hope things get better for you.

I just want it ALL to go away. /:
But I can't burn it out of my brain. I just can't, no matter how badly I want to.
If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever.

[10.13.13. You have my heart.]
-thoughtlessdork


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Posted: 23 Feb 2011 11:08 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI
I love you too Dani
I know how that feels i remember feeling being in the depths of that part of life. it's human to feel that i understand how that feels your breaking point
we'll come those feelings you feel won't last forever you will accomplish those priorities you set for yourself at least you know what you wanna do
as life goes on you'll slowly work your way climbing up that courageous ladder you'll feel alive someday just know you'll always be alive in all our eyes.

no need to apologize hun
and remember let out as much as you feel vent away this is the thread for it don't be afraid.<3

I get probably my best thoughts/random ideas while on the toilet and usually end up forgetting em afterwards.

http://www.formspring.me/PurpleVomit

keena
Gemini ❤ 12 02 09
Occupation; Dorky punkie Junkie Chick
I'm searching for my piece of light, it rains, it pours
I'll find my way but please don't leave me here again All alone.
daniellexx5xx


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Posted: 23 Feb 2011 11:16 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI
Awh, thanks you guys. I love you all too. <3
Chelsea, I miss you too. D:

And Keena, the toilet thing gave me the giggle I needed.

I just feel like I have no personality. I feel like such a burden, because I'm just so 'blah' all of the time, and boring. And useless.
beautyinthebreak
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Posted: 23 Feb 2011 11:17 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI
<3

Complete ditto to what you just said. But you're not useless and you're not a burden, we're always here for you NO matter what.

I wanna run away and just start over.
If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever.

[10.13.13. You have my heart.]
-thoughtlessdork


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Posted: 23 Feb 2011 11:45 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI
<3
your always welcome Dani c:
I miss you too!

xD I know it was random but it was the only dirty secret i could think of at the time but i'm glad i could make you giggle Dani.

I agree with Chelsea you are nowhere near a burden or useless ever your Awesome and Unique in your own Individual l way.

I wanna runaway too Chels i know how that feels but then that would mean leaving you all behind i don't wanna leave any of you behind.

*hugs Dani and Chels*

I could probably live my whole life in the dark.

http://www.formspring.me/PurpleVomit

keena
Gemini ❤ 12 02 09
Occupation; Dorky punkie Junkie Chick
I'm searching for my piece of light, it rains, it pours
I'll find my way but please don't leave me here again All alone.
-thoughtlessdork


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Posted: 24 Feb 2011 03:02 AM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI
I'm really sorry you had to go through that Amy :/ I'm just glad he didn't really hurt you and that your okay, always know that you can trust us.<3

Solitude is something I've partially grown use to.

http://www.formspring.me/PurpleVomit

keena
Gemini ❤ 12 02 09
Occupation; Dorky punkie Junkie Chick
I'm searching for my piece of light, it rains, it pours
I'll find my way but please don't leave me here again All alone.
sassybabexo


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Posted: 24 Feb 2011 03:10 AM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI
Thank you, Keena. I trust you a whole lot. <3

I'm struggling at school. I want to drop out, but I know I would regret that for the rest of my life.
You make it seem so easy to love me for who I really am.

Amy.
17th June 2010♥
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