Topic: Dirty Little Secrets VI.
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allwrongx


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Posted: 06 Feb 2011 06:39 PM       Subject: Dirty Little Secrets VI.
I could really care less who wins the Super Bowl. /:

I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things.
I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that
we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun
will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.
John Green, The Fault in Our Stars.

sirloinofbeef


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Posted: 06 Feb 2011 08:03 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI.
I never want to have children. (For many reasons, one being physically, i wouldn't be able to handle it i can't stand the idea of carrying a child, it just isn't something that sounds natural to me. and then actually raising a child, oh god, just can't imagine that...)
I have said that since day one... And Brit has alwats agreed with me. He claims to "hate kids" but you can tell he's not serious when he says that, he never says it without laughing for one... Today, I saw him with my neice, she's five, and it was so amazing. He was playing with her Monster High Dolls and he was making her laugh so hard.
And the look on their faces, they were just, so content. It was just this perfect bond, like nothing i've ever seen before... Except for with me and my dad.
He made one of the dolls have a Sid vicious accent (which he does really well actually, haha) and she was just giggling, and giggiling.
I loved it, and then it really hurt at the sametime. Because, i have been totally conviced since i was fourteen years old, that he and I were exactly the same. Two halves of a whole. I'm awful with kids though, AWFUL, they just stare at me blankly. I can't make one laugh, I can't entertain them, and i'm afraid to show them love because it's like, if i'm rejected by a child, it's like being rejected by an angel, right? Something that can't lie... That always tells the truth. And He's amazing with them, turns out. Now I feel torn in half. It's a triple blow. It called to my attention something we don't have in common... It called to my attention how much I don't deserve him. And it called to my attention that to rob a child of having him for a father is selfish, just because I'm afraid. especially since he was robbed of having a decent father himself. especially since I am so close to my dad... and couldn't have asked for a better one. He deserves that too. He deserves to know what it feels like to have a good example of fatherhood, of a man who loves you so much, who made you, and who would die for you. He's that kind of man too. He loves until he's bleeding, and he just embraces that pain because he knows the cause of it is something beautiful. ... I try to talk to my BESTfriend about this, and she simply says "having kids is a crime, Andi. you'd just fuxxk the kid up. do you want to be responsible for that? live your life that's all we can do." Now i'm just afraid to mention it to anyone else, because it makes me feel like a bad person. and at the sametime, not mentioning it makes me feel like a selfish person.

Now, I just want to roll into a ball and give him to someone who can do these things for him without a moment hesitation. Someone who is strong, and mature enough to STOP thinking the way she thought when she was fourteen.. Someone who is better than me. Someone who is as amazing as him.

I feel like a devil. I don't know who I am. and I don't know what I could be. and all i really want is just to be happy with the raw, naked, and faulted, me. And stop trying to change that. Because the more insecure I become, the more i risk actually GIVING him a reason as to why i'm not worth this trouble... I need to grow-up. and I can't.
I'm stuck in high-school.
Today everything's a conflict of interest.
http://www.formspring.me/Ovarydose
-thoughtlessdork


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Posted: 06 Feb 2011 08:36 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI.
ditto Kristina!

I can relate to what you said Dre, i remember when i was living my single life and believed i'd never have someone to love or someone could ever possibly love me let alone having children was something i secretly feared yet saw joy in that all changed when my soulmate found me, he wants children and like your significant other he's wonderful with kids especially with his one year old niece which he takes care of and watches on the weekends him having a neice sorta shows me what it's like to kinda be a parent even though i never ever saw myself as one ever but in the back of my mind theres this thought of raising and bring a spawn of me and my lover into the world and that makes me happy inside even though i can barely take of myself at times when i've fully grown completely that's a risk i'd take to give a life.


i don't know how to change a diaper or make the milk because simply i was never taught but i could learn life is full of mysteries wonders and joy sometimes there buried beneath and it's up to us to discover and unlock them Dre i felt the same as you i thought kids didn't like me either or i couldn't make them laugh but i can i believe you can do the same i'm not telling you to have kids or not just don't let fear control you, and Brit loves you and only you and as you love on him you deserve each other i know things will work out in the end we all grow up even though it may take more time more mentally speaking than physically i have faith i still have alot of growing up to do myself just know you are not alone.<3


I want to have a Glitter paint party fight then go jump in a pool go skinny dipping and striking afterwards ._. i'm a creep my boyfriend would disapprove lol xD

http://www.formspring.me/PurpleVomit

keena
Gemini ❤ 12 02 09
Occupation; Dorky punkie Junkie Chick
I'm searching for my piece of light, it rains, it pours
I'll find my way but please don't leave me here again All alone.
beautyinthebreak
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Posted: 06 Feb 2011 08:53 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI.
I'm so sick and tired of this.
If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever.

[10.13.13. You have my heart.]
holloway


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Posted: 06 Feb 2011 09:08 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI.
I've never felt this forgotten.
"When the sky turns gray
and everything is screaming
I will reach inside
just to find my heart is beating"
beautyinthebreak
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Posted: 06 Feb 2011 09:10 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI.
^ Aw, Morgan. ):
We could never forget you around here. <3333
You're amazing, I don't see how anyone could ever forget you.

I just wanna feel alive again.
If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever.

[10.13.13. You have my heart.]
holloway


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Posted: 06 Feb 2011 09:20 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI.
Chelsea, I love you. Thank you. <3

This song is the only thing stopping me from injuring myself.
"When the sky turns gray
and everything is screaming
I will reach inside
just to find my heart is beating"
beautyinthebreak
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Posted: 06 Feb 2011 09:23 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI.
I love you too, dear. <3
And don't. Please don't.

I want that off of my mind. So much that I can't stand it.
If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever.

[10.13.13. You have my heart.]
allwrongx


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Posted: 06 Feb 2011 09:30 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI.
Ooh, Morgan.
You are definitely important to our Bzoink lifestyles.
We would never forget you. You're too awesome.
<3.

She makes me feel so guilty.

I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things.
I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that
we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun
will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.
John Green, The Fault in Our Stars.

holloway


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Posted: 06 Feb 2011 09:34 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI.
I love you, Kristina. <3

I'm okay, but I don't want to be.
"When the sky turns gray
and everything is screaming
I will reach inside
just to find my heart is beating"
beautyinthebreak
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Posted: 06 Feb 2011 09:35 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI.
I feel like it's all my fault. All I can do is blame myself.
If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever.

[10.13.13. You have my heart.]
holloway


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Posted: 06 Feb 2011 09:38 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI.
:[

I'm losing her. I know it.
"When the sky turns gray
and everything is screaming
I will reach inside
just to find my heart is beating"
beautyinthebreak
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Posted: 06 Feb 2011 09:40 PM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI.
I don't even feel like pretending anymore. But I know I have to.
If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever.

[10.13.13. You have my heart.]
-thoughtlessdork


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Posted: 07 Feb 2011 12:58 AM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI.
I don't how to feel at times so many emotions at once sometimes it feels like i'm screaming smiling crying all at the same time.

http://www.formspring.me/PurpleVomit

keena
Gemini ❤ 12 02 09
Occupation; Dorky punkie Junkie Chick
I'm searching for my piece of light, it rains, it pours
I'll find my way but please don't leave me here again All alone.
germ-x


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Posted: 07 Feb 2011 01:04 AM         Subject: RE: Dirty Little Secrets VI.
Morgan, I love you. <3 And you will definitely never be forgotten around here. (:

I really don't know how to live without him in my life.
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